don't open this thought

every once in a while i wake up to what feels like lips on my cheek but im always alone. i need you. it used to be everyday now it seems to only be late at night. sometimes i wish for you so hard that i cry. i cry for what we had, for how we'll never have it again and for how im responsible.
i'm done with being proud i want to be vulnerable again. i want to be free again.
im tied down with memories and regrets. im wide awake with feelings i cant shake. my choices have gotten worse, my judgement doesn't exist anymore. i feel more alone in a room full of people than any other time because they always look so alive and i always feel so dead. i dont even know how i really feel anymore. i force it all. i threw away making sense probably the same day i threw you away.